Imagine no one understands you and no one will get you want you really want. Or not know that you aren’t feeling good because you can’t tell them so they drag you here and there to run errands or send you to school feeling like crap. Not be able to stand the sight, smell, feel or taste of food so you can’t eat the right foods. Not being able to complete simple things that we all take for granted daily. Imagine having to move 4 times in 12 years just to find the services that you need. Imagine the frustration you must have to see your parents struggle, cry and argue daily over the stress you bring to the family.
Although you know they really love you they still can’t help feeling the impact of Autism which is what you have. Severe Autism that stops you in your tracks of society. Not looking different but acting different. The looks, the stares, the comments your parents hear when they take you out somewhere. At times they ignore it and other times they are stressing. You do very strange things sometimes that make people turn their heads.
Imagine never being able to watch a movie or TV show all the way to the end because you have to keep hearing the same line over and over for hours on end. Imagine never being able to play with your brother or have any friends because you prefer not to be with others.
No one being able to see your strong points like how much you try to speak to them. That’s why you hit them when they can’t understand. No one knowing how smart you really are even though you are learning your way around the internet without ever typing a word since 18 months old.
Parker is so awesome. He has taught me so much. So much about life that I take for granted. We all love him so much. Yes, I struggle every day because we have only one income. Worry every day will my power be cut off.
I raise his brother also. He is first born 14-year-old Hayden. Also, an awesome boy who wants to be closer to his brother. They were so perfect together when they were much younger. Playing together and also bonding as brothers until one day his brother went away inside a different world.
Since then it has been a struggle learning how to get inside Parker’s world. So what we do is love him and show him that every day. Taking the time to hug and kiss him and listen to the same lines in that movie over and over again. Trying to understand what it is that he wants and learning cues that tell you it is time to duck.
People who know us can’t understand how we get through it. I think nothing of it. I just get up every day and do it. Although being severely depressed takes a toll on my daily tasks. All I really am grateful for is when I go to sleep at night my family is with me.
That’s what really matters. Not any money could replace what I am grateful for each day. But it is a necessity and I really would love to have just enough of it to pay my bills and pay my mother and father for the house that they bought for us. Depleting their savings to help my sons live in the right town. I am grateful for them every day of my life and everyone else who cares about us. We may not have the money to pay them back but they will be always thought of as the people who help us get through the days of our lives.
Over 2 years of online marketing has taken a toll on my finances as well. Joining everyone who promised me the world. Working very hard while ignoring the family and the everyday stuff that needs to be done. Struggling to build a team that wants the same thing I want. Just to be able to make a small income to contribute to the finances we have daily. This would make me feel I have worth for what I feel like now is so hard to explain.
The many thoughts that go through my head make it very hard to work at this. I often feel that I should give up I was even told by a guy that I really suck at this.
I look back at all my online work. Over 2 years worth and I laugh at all the failures. I know for sure this time that I can do it. I had a person join my team. Someone I didn’t even know. He found the ad I had listed because I didn’t give up.
It would be nice to help others make some extra cash. It is badly needed in my house as I am sure it is in yours. So helping me is also helping you.
Your Friend
Dawn Meyers
Update: I am coming up on my 5th year of marketing and things are looking up. It was my own fault that I am not further than I should be. But now I am changing our lives and I can see it is helping even Parker. I am feeling better about my life and don’t have the everyday distractions about money and where is it coming from.
Parker is now 15 and Hayden is 17. They are both wonderful children and yes it is still a challenge but so worth it I’ll tell ya.. .
Raising Autism 